How do I know the timing is right?

 Question: "I’m a 14-year-old high school student and my boyfriend is a 16-year-old high school student. A few days ago I went to a school dance, and we left the dance and got really physical. We didn’t have sex, but all the other things we did made up for not going all the way. He asked me to make love, but I said no because I was scared to. I love my boyfriend very much. We’ve set a date a few weeks from now to go out with some friends, and from what they’ve told me we’re going to make out (in other words, go all the way). I’m really scared to, but I’m afraid if I don’t then I’ll lose a little bit of my boyfriend. He always says he loves me, and when he holds me I feel so good like I’ll stay with him forever and everything will be great. My real questions are: How do I know when is the right time? And, how do I know if he’s the right guy? And how is a really sure way to find out if he loves me as much as he says he does and as much as I love him?"

Answer by Tim Stafford, author of Worth the Wait
I’m glad you asked. I’m glad to answer, because I have a pretty clearly formed philosophy about your three questions. Let me take them in order.

First, how do you know when is the right time? You know it is the right ime when you and the person you love have both stood in front of all your friends, family and minister and promised to be married for the rest of your life. Then you go off and live together – forever. Then sex is as right as right gets. Weddings are not foolproof, but they are the best indicator yet invented that you are ready for the huge involvement, spiritually and physically, that sex inevitably brings.

Second, how do you know if he’s the right one? There are many factors to consider in evaluating a guy, but ultimately, it comes to this: you know he is the right guy if he will stand in front of that crowd (mentioned a paragraph ago) and make those solemn vows, and if you want to be there doing the same thing with him.

Third, how do you know if he loves you as much as he says he does? You can judge this most accurately by asking him to put his life on the line by standing in front of all those people and making those promises. People do lie on their wedding day, but not nearly so many hand out big lines when they’re making out like mad after a dance.

I realize that this standard may mean disappointing your boyfriend. But, as hard as this may be to believe, if you lose him over this the loss wasn’t that terrible. It is indeed a wonderful feeling to be held close by someone and to feel in love. But you can get that feeling on a temporary basis with many people. You won’t keep the feeling with anyone, on a long-term basis, unless you use your sexuality very wisely. Your body is too precious and the nakedness of sex too absolute, to be given on any basis less than marriage.