Peer Pressure for Life

Throughout our lives there are countless influences that affect our values, our goals, our development as human beings. The media influences us through television, movies, books, songs and advertising, while individuals such as family and friends also have a powerful effect on our choices and personal growth. This influence is commonly referred to as ‘peer pressure’. Sometimes it helps to understand that the pressure being felt right now can subside as time goes by and as you grow and mature. It will pass. Teens face tremendous peer pressure, but peer acceptance often becomes less of an issue in adult life. As you enter the world of work the pressure can decrease. This is due in part to the change in atmosphere, but also a result of more developed attitudes and values which are characteristically demonstrated in adulthood.

Positive and Negative Peer Pressure

There is simply no avoiding the fact that the group with whom we associate affects our attitude, our behaviour and ultimately who we are. It is very important, then, that before reaching out to a group, before seeking acceptance, we know what our values are (our set of beliefs about what is important in life) and our goals. It is by knowing our values and goals that we can choose friends who will help us realize our full potential.

The supportive influence that a group or individual would exert is called positive peer pressure, and advances an overall goal to stay healthy, to be responsible and to build character. On the other hand, negative peer pressure is an influence exerted by a group or individual that may oppose your values and/or threaten the achievement of your goals. Negative peer pressure calls for a response that is given with confidence and results in pride for having ‘held your ground’. Every situation is unique, though there are types of responses that can be adapted to a particular situation. Peer pressure becomes more sophisticated as you grow up.

As you know, a negative influence can draw people into a destructive way of life. But that pattern can be broken with determination and support to make a change.

Making good choices when faced with pressure from peers (positive and negative) depends on knowing ourselves - what is important to us, what we believe in, what we want to become. But deciaffects our attitude, our behaviour and ultimately who we are. It is very important, then, that before reaching out to a group, before seeking acceptance, we know what our values are (our set of beliefs about what is important in life) and our goals. It is by knowing our values and goals that we can choose friends who will help us realize our full potential.

The supportive influence that a group or individual would exert is called positive peer pressure, and advances an overall goal to stay healthy, to be responsible and to build character. On the other hand, negative peer pressure is an influence exerted by a group or individual that may oppose your values and/or threaten the achievement of your goals. Negative peer pressure calls for a response that is given with confidence and results in pride for having ‘held your ground’. Every situation is unique, though there are types of responses that can be adapted to a particular situation. Peer pressure becomes more sophisticated as you grow up.

As you know, a negative influence can draw people into a destructive way of life. But that pattern can be broken with determination and support to make a change.

Making good choices when faced with pressure from peers (positive and negative) depends on knowing ourselves - what is important to us, what we believe in, what we want to become. But deciding what a response should be, and actually responding are two different things.

Dealing with Peer Pressure/Avoiding Situations

Be Assertive

A person can be assertive or bold without being aggressive. Aggressive behaviour is characterized by hostility and is usually destructive. To be assertive is to speak out and stand up for your personal opinions or values and express them clearly. It must be done is an honest and appropriate manner without harshness or belligerence. There is a proper time for assertive behaviour. The following questions may help you clarify your thinking as to when assertive behaviour is appropriate:

• How important is the situation to me?
• How will I feel about myself if I stay quiet and do nothing?
• What am I risking if I do assert myself?

In situations you often have to respond decisively and quickly. The following techniques listed may help you take the lead and respond quickly in awkward situations.

The positive-negative-positive

Compliment the person or give them a sense of acceptance (positive), refuse or be negative about the activity, not the person (negative), and come back with a positive suggestion (positding what a response should be, and actually responding are two different things.

Dealing with Peer Pressure/Avoiding Situations

Be Assertive

A person can be assertive or bold without being aggressive. Aggressive behaviour is characterized by hostility and is usually destructive. To be assertive is to speak out and stand up for your personal opinions or values and express them clearly. It must be done is an honest and appropriate manner without harshness or belligerence. There is a proper time for assertive behaviour. The following questions may help you clarify your thinking as to when assertive behaviour is appropriate:

• How important is the situation to me?
• How will I feel about myself if I stay quiet and do nothing?
• What am I risking if I do assert myself?

In situations you often have to respond decisively and quickly. The following techniques listed may help you take the lead and respond quickly in awkward situations.

The positive-negative-positive

Compliment the person or give them a sense of acceptance (positive), refuse or be negative about the activity, not the person (negative), and come back with a positive suggestion (positive). This compliment builds the person and the positive suggestion builds the relationship.

The flowery compliment

Compliment your peer, but at the same time let him know that his suggestion is not acceptable or possible. Exaggerate or embellish a real aspect of your friend’s personality. Say something like ‘You’re too smart for that!’

The bright idea

Have in mind something you want to do that would be without risk and propose it in an exciting, positive way. Remember that the goal that you share is to have fun. Don’t wait for your friends to have a better idea - beat them at it.

Switching topics

Distract your friend with an interesting or perhaps startling topic. ‘I heard the other day …’ Choose a subject that will take the person’s mind completely off his invitation to trouble.

Repeat yourself

Repeat your message over and over until your friend gets it - like a stuck record.

Politely

Be polite and say ‘No thanks!’, ‘I’ll pass!’ or ‘Catch me later!’

Blame it on something

Making an excuse can allow a sense of humor to emerge. Sayive). This compliment builds the person and the positive suggestion builds the relationship.

The flowery compliment

Compliment your peer, but at the same time let him know that his suggestion is not acceptable or possible. Exaggerate or embellish a real aspect of your friend’s personality. Say something like ‘You’re too smart for that!’

The bright idea

Have in mind something you want to do that would be without risk and propose it in an exciting, positive way. Remember that the goal that you share is to have fun. Don’t wait for your friends to have a better idea - beat them at it.

Switching topics

Distract your friend with an interesting or perhaps startling topic. ‘I heard the other day …’ Choose a subject that will take the person’s mind completely off his invitation to trouble.

Repeat yourself

Repeat your message over and over until your friend gets it - like a stuck record.

Politely

Be polite and say ‘No thanks!’, ‘I’ll pass!’ or ‘Catch me later!’

Blame it on something

Making an excuse can allow a sense of humor to emerge. Saying you do not feel well can also get you off the hook.

Be ready with a joke

This approach has the duel advantage of distracting the peer from his suggestion and lightening the pressure as well. Use some one-liners if you don’t feel comfortable telling jokes. ‘I’d love to but I need to train my piranhas.’ ‘Don’t pressure me or I’ll fall asleep.’

Look shocked

If you know your friend well, be honestly surprised at unwise proposals. Be dramatic and even exaggerate your surprise. Use body language to make your point by rolling your eyes or having your mouth fall open. What you are saying is, ‘I can’t believe you really said that!’ Allow your peer to rethink the suggestion and save face by saying something like, ‘Yeah, I guess it doesn’t sound like something I should do.’

Take the offensive

This response is often helpful when other responses have been tried unsuccessfully. Returning the challenge or going on the offensive allows you to take a firm stand. When a peer suggests that a real friend would do the activity, be ready to challenge back. ‘A real friend wouldn’t try to push me around.’ The exchange focuses on proving friendship as well as displaying courage. When the challenge is returned, you need to appear cing you do not feel well can also get you off the hook.

Be ready with a joke

This approach has the duel advantage of distracting the peer from his suggestion and lightening the pressure as well. Use some one-liners if you don’t feel comfortable telling jokes. ‘I’d love to but I need to train my piranhas.’ ‘Don’t pressure me or I’ll fall asleep.’

Look shocked

If you know your friend well, be honestly surprised at unwise proposals. Be dramatic and even exaggerate your surprise. Use body language to make your point by rolling your eyes or having your mouth fall open. What you are saying is, ‘I can’t believe you really said that!’ Allow your peer to rethink the suggestion and save face by saying something like, ‘Yeah, I guess it doesn’t sound like something I should do.’

Take the offensive

This response is often helpful when other responses have been tried unsuccessfully. Returning the challenge or going on the offensive allows you to take a firm stand. When a peer suggests that a real friend would do the activity, be ready to challenge back. ‘A real friend wouldn’t try to push me around.’ The exchange focuses on proving friendship as well as displaying courage. When the challenge is returned, you need to appear confident and sincere that your intent is not to weaken the friendship, but make it stronger.

Body Language

This response requires that you act as if you didn’t hear the suggestion. Ignoring an offer can convey disapproval or lack of interest. However, making eye contact returning even a whisper conveys participation or acceptance of the behaviour. Talking about a propose idea may give your friend the idea that you are interested and the pressure may increase.

Leaving

Actions speak louder than words. By leaving, you are sending a message that the situation is not for you. It is important to leave the area completely in a way that shows confidence not insecurity.

Be a confident decision maker. Even though doing the right thing does not always make you feel good, you will be glad later and the feelings will follow. The idea is not to ignore feelings but rather do what is right even if confidence is lacking.

Making good decisions is only the beginning; it is necessary that they be implemented. This often means communicating your decisions to others in a clear and confident manner.