Secondary Virginity

Some teens are taking unnecessary risks by having sex and using drugs. In AIDS prevention, follow the same advice with sexual activity that is given to those who are using drugs:

• Don’t start, and if you have started, get help to stop. The decision to postpone sexual activity until marriage can also be made by a person who is already sexually active. If ‘virginity’ is defined as the state of refraining from sexual intercourse while unmarried, ‘secondary virginity’ may be defined as the decision of a man or a woman to stop sexual activity until after marriage and the living of that decision.

This decision is usually based on desire to avoid anxiety and to regain the freedom and opportunities for personal growth that come with non-sexual ways of sharing. In order for this decision to become livable, it should be founded on a recognition of personal worth – of the self as intrinsically valuable and worthy of respect. The decision to refrain or choose ‘secondary virginity’ should also stem from a more complete understanding of sexual expression. A young person should come to view sex not only as a source of pleasure, but also as a sign of commitment and as a means of transmitting life. Accepting this mature view of sexual activity provides a solid base for controlling sexual desires and postponing sexual activity until marriage.. Deciding to change lifestyles is much less difficult than putting that decision into practice. A conscious effort must be made to:

• detach oneself from old habits
• develop new ways of showing care and affection
• avoid persons and situations that may weaken one’s resolve
• set limits on signs of affection and assume responsibility for enforcing those limits
• accept the reality that what has happened in the past may never be erased, but it is never too late to avoid problems/consequences in the future
• develop hobbies and activities with people who help you use your energies in a productive way
• state the decision to change in writing and let the statement serve as a sign of conviction and determination to make it happen
• talk the decision over with a trusted family member or friend who will support the commitment to change – this is peer or authority accountability
• take time for reflection and evaluation of the steps taken to change. Be accountable for any disappointments an a source of pleasure, but also as a sign of commitment and as a means of transmitting life. Accepting this mature view of sexual activity provides a solid base for controlling sexual desires and postponing sexual activity until marriage.. Deciding to change lifestyles is much less difficult than putting that decision into practice. A conscious effort must be made to:
  
  
  • detach oneself from old habits
  • develop new ways of showing care and affection
  • avoid persons and situations that may weaken one’s resolve
  • set limits on signs of affection and assume responsibility for enforcing those limits
  • accept the reality that what has happened in the past may never be erased, but it is never too late to avoid problems/consequences in the future
  • develop hobbies and activities with people who help you use your energies in a productive way
  • state the decision to change in writing and let the statement serve as a sign of conviction and determination to make it happen
  • talk the decision over with a trusted family member or friend who will support the commitment to change – this is peer or authority accountability
  • take time for reflection and evaluation of the steps taken to change. Be accountable for any disappointments and all progress made – this is self accountability.

  Secondary virginity is a realistic, attainable goal for those teens who are sexually active and are dissatisfied with their lifestyle and want to be safe from risks. Achieving that goal requires an understanding and appreciation of the full meaning of sex, a genuine desire to adopt principles that enhance the meaning of sexual activity, a strong sense of self-worth and respect for self and others, and a disciplined approach to making the decision. Teen-Aid, Inc

  Article by:	webmaster
  Published on:	2004-06-23
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